Just Call Me Fuckface

I think I really did it this time. I think Max might finally be in real trouble. unnamed

Don’t get me wrong, I really like the Lady that came to walk me. She was so cute and little! We had a couple fun walks and she was super nice. But I just wanted to remind her that this was the Mommy’s house. She needed to know that the Dad doesn’t like little people. And he doesn’t do good with girl’s with dark hair. I didn’t want the Lady to think that she could just come over whenever she wanted. She needed to be reminded that THIS IS MOMMY’S HOUSE; this is MAX’S HOUSE!

The Mommy was not so happy about this.

The Mommy came home after my little outburst and looked sad and a little panicky. She talked on the phone a lot and kept saying, “But I have to get on a plane. I am getting on a plane.”

Take MAX! Take Max on the plane! Doesn’t that sound fun? MAX ON A PLANE! I could sit right next to the Mommy and lean on her and put my head in her lap. I could stare at all the people and make sure no one touched the Mommy. Touch the Mommy again and your hand is going to find itself inside my face. She’s MY MOMMY. Max on a plane!  

I am not on the plane with the Mommy.

When the Mommy packed up a lot of my things I knew I wasn’t just going to regular camp. She took me to this big place and I had to meet the Man. He talks a lot and he talked a lot about me. “That’s the breed. Shar-pei’s are territorial and very possessive. We can’t train out the nature of the breed; we can train obedience. If Max is obedient, the crazy can be controlled.”

Obedient? What the fuck is that? That sounds BORING! Why be obedient when I can be Max?

So here I am. I am in doggie jail, doggie bootcamp, doggie military school for two whole weeks. I have to go to class all day and they try to make me obey. I have to do dumb stuff. If they try to make me roll-over I am seriously breaking out of this place. This sucks. Don’t they know who I am?? I am MAX!