Oh don’t you dare look back
just keep your eyes on me.
I said you’re holding back,
She said shut up and dance with me!
This woman is my destiny
She said oh oh oh
Shut up and dance with me
~ Walk the Moon: Shut Up and Dance With Me
“Wow, you guys are happily married and really live that way?” asked the man. “That isn’t normal.”
Normal. Is there still a normal for relationships? Are we really that unusual? Or is this a new normal? Is the overwhelming desire to make it work with the one that is your destiny worth other sacrifices? Yes. Yes, it is not ideal. But yes, my husband and I are happy together and really do live this way. He lives full-time in Norfolk, I live in Nashville, and our son lives with his mom in Austin. For now, this IS our normal. Next year it will probably be different, and the year after that, and the ones following…we seem to always have a new normal.
In 2014, three of my favorite couples got married. One set had happily been going about their coupleness better than any ‘married’ people for a dozen years before rings were traded. The second did it out of necessity so that they COULD reside in the same city and under the same roof. And for the third? They were finally able to legally call each other ‘husband.’ No one had a traditional big-belled well-planned out wedding. And that all sounds pretty normal to me.
Some of my other beautiful people are moving back to a favored city, others are in a relationship with someone a decade apart, or a city apart, or two divorces away. Some are delightfully single and enjoying the company of girlfriends and travel partners. Some are adopting children, using a surrogate, rescuing a dog instead, or going about procreation the more traditional way. All-in-all we all look pretty darn happy. And normal.
I can’t say that our normal would work for everyone, nor can I say that it will work for us forever. In fact, I hope it doesn’t. One day I want my normal to mean waking up with #hothusband a lot more often. But in the meantime, there can be no looking back. It’s the new normal.
Just shut up and dance.