What Am I?

I had a realization shortly after the Christmas holiday where I had to do some level-setting. At the time I didn’t know what to properly “call it”, but we’ll get back to that momentarily.

I will finally openly acknowledge that I had recently started dating and had found it both exciting and terribly challenging. Seriously, I had not been on a date with someone in about 17 years. So being me, I jumped into pseudo-relationships with a couple men in the hopes of figuring it out. While delightful, I was soon to discover the limitations.

Let’s set the stage. There I was…standing at RDU with massive amounts of holiday luggage. One bag was filled almost entirely with meat. Yes, I said meat. My parents gifted all of us children with a fabulous assortment of pork chops, pork roasts and sausage. (My dad won a pig in a raffle.) I was also granted a couple random packages of rib-eye and ground beef. (My parents bought a quarter of a cow.) That’s how we do it in Wisconsin. Add some incredible canned salsa from my sister-in-law and some bottles of wine, and I had some crazy TSA– monitored baggage. But I regress.

There I stood, hauling heavy freaking bags off the conveyor belt by myself. Then I drove myself home. Once home, all the boys started calling. I had a pseudo-boyfriend, a man patiently waiting in the wings, and a husband. (A husband I might add that I adore immensely and remain fabulous friends with.) And so goes my epiphany. I HAVE ALL THESE DAMN MEN IN MY LIFE and I am still dragging my own meat home. We’re calling this done. Something is going to change, and change NOW.

So what am I? For months, Facebook has deemed me “complicated”, match.com calls me “currently separated”, eharmony.com says I am “ineligible”, and in the eyes of God, numerous friends and family, and the state of North Carolina, I am “married”. So who is right?

I am right.

I am single. I am recovering. I am healthy. I am independent. I am self-aware. I am confident. I am smart. I am strong. I am fabulous. I am a lover of relationships. I am also…I am also deserving of a man that wants and will be there to carry my meat.

That is who I am.