Back to the Basics

“What is more basic than the need to be known? It is the entirety of intimacy, the elixir of love, this knowing”. In the book Her Fearful Symmetry, a central character gives himself over completely to this basic knowing. I read this passage, this simple sentence, more than a week ago. It resonated with me so much that I earmarked the page and referred back to it often.

Dictionary.com defines “known” as:

1. to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty
2. to have established or fixed in the mind or memory
3. to be cognizant or aware of
4. be acquainted with, as by sight or experience
5. to understand from experience or attainment
6. to be able to distinguish, as one from another
7. Archaic. to have sexual intercourse with.

This is what I am looking for. The knowing. For me at this moment, it doesn’t mean commitment, it doesn’t require a path, it isn’t what I’ve had and it is what I want. I want to be known. I want someone that is aware, is perceptive, is cognizant of me always. That gets me without any explanation, apology, or justification. Is pleased to be in my presence and looks forward to the next experience.

At 3.38am this morning I received a phone call. Of course I was awake. (Even if I hadn’t been at work, the chances are great that I would still have been conscious.) The call was from a dear friend of mine that was celebrating her birthday on the West Coast and had also just got engaged. This girl deserves every bit of happiness that moment provided her and I was so thrilled to spend part of that with her. She had just had her known validated. She is someone that I love unconditionally and the thought of her so happy has brought me to giddy tears several times today.

Oddly enough I had been out earlier last night with good friends and a wonderful man to see Phantom of the Opera. That production is all about the “knowing” of someone, and the deep and sometimes painful understanding that goes with it.

Congratulations Amy. No one deserves to be known more than you.