They are Trying to Kill Me

I thought pets were good for a person. Science says that people who own pets have lower blood pressure, live longer, and are overall just happier. These said scientists are full of crap, because my pets are trying to push me into an early grave.

Jazmine (the oldest cat on earth) disappeared awhile back. Just poof, gone. We looked for her and left her bed and food out where she could find it, but she never returned. We sadly assumed that she went off to die, because she really was that old. I know, I know, I have been bitching about her for some time.. The Vomitorium has made me crazy, and poor Michael is still finding fur attached to his socks. But we miss her. She is the only pet that was with us as we started our journey together from Wisconsin, to Texas, to California and now North Carolina. The others we picked up along the way.

We just assumed we would never see her again or know what really happened…until I swear I saw her last week. I was out running with Iona one morning and saw this black blur across the street. I would swear to anyone that it was Jazmine. She froze. I froze. I said “Jazmine?” and Iona woofed. At that point the cat crawled down into one of the giant sidewalk sewer drains. My heart was just pounding and I know it wasn’t from the run.

Then there is Chupa. I don’t know if she is having separation issues, but she is freaking nutso. At one point in her life, we didn’t think she knew how to meow. Now I want to rip it out of her. She starts meowing at 3a and continues until both Michael and I are out of bed. Then she goes back to bed. At night she climbs all over us on the couch and meows her head off. Oh for the love of god, make it stop. Again, the blood pressure just keeps rising.

Iona the Cancer Corgi seems fine, but her saga is far from over. Apparently Iona’s vet and oncologist were chatting today and want the dog to be on thyroid meds twice a day. For THE REST OF HER LIFE. They are pretty sure that her rapid weight gain is due to the haywire hormones and are worried that there will be other nasty effects if untreated. They also want her to undergo chest x-rays every three months to ensure the cancer has not come back in her lungs. Every three months? Ohhhhhhhhhh, this just makes my stomach hurt. Every vet visit is now a trial of patience and stress and just sheer exhaustion for both of us. Scientists are stupid. My pets are really trying to kill me.