My Mail Order Puppy

Iona’s got a boyfriend, Iona’s got a boyfriend!

My friend Rain sent me the funniest email today. Apparently HER boyfriend Alex is attempting to pimp out Iona and has already found her a mate. I don’t typically post emails from others, but this one was too fabulous to resist.

“Alex has been trying to match-make Iona with Sam, who is a lot younger but looks quite handsome. So whenever Sam is in the shop, Alex shows him Iona’s picture on his laptop and says, ‘Look Sam, an older woman. Older women are hot!’ And Sam, who is a very cool puppy despite his age, looks reflective. I did take him aside a couple of times to explain that this hot older woman lives in the other side of the world and will not likely be visiting soon. But maybe her humans will be.”


So our little girl has a secret admirer from the Philippines. I guarantee that if they ever did meet, Iona would be yelling at him within three minutes. Maybe she’d cut him some slack for looking like a teddy bear and being the same color as she is, but I doubt it. Sam would be like, “Bitch! I’ve been waiting all this time and this is it? You have no legs AND you’re loud.” And away he would go back to the islands. Hmmm…do they even speak the same language? Does Sam ‘woof’ in Tagalog?

The idea of them ever actually meeting is rather entertaining, and I thank Alex for the thought. The Iona Pig is most grateful that you want to rescue her from being a single Corgi. She too has been mistaken for a stuffed animal, and she looks for the same quality in her boyfriends.

In case you want to know a little more about the man that sets up orange dogs from around the world, check him out here. Thanks Alex. I now truly miss you, the wine and your strange sense of humor, just a little bit more.